I displaced smoking with other activities I WANTED to do but had put off, because the smokes rule you. I thought smokes were the grammar of time, the full stops and commas that gave my day meaning. Really, I was screwing my time up and chucking it out.
But what really got to me was the idea from a book that I read that said you only smoke because you are afraid. You are afraid that if you don’t have a ciggie, you won’t cope... with the stress... with your feelings... with life.
And I thought, bugger this I am 40 years old, surely I can learn to deal with my feelings without sucking a cancerous thumb. I want to live a life without fear. I have smoked since I was 11, have I not learned to be a grown up in that time?
Suddenly, it didn’t seem that manly to be needing smokes to ‘cope.’
So I started jogging... and smoking. I started swimming... and smoking. I decided to not let the fact I smoked stop me beginning the lifestyle I wanted. I explored what I was really afraid of.
Having a bad day? Being grumpy? “Put your man pants on big boy!!!! “” I thought, “Grow the #### up. If your six year old daughter can stop sucking her thumb surely you can do this!! “
And then it became fun. I noticed when I WAS coping, what I COULD do without fags. What was easier, like not smoking at family bbq’s. That’s much less awkward. So is not trying to get out of the building and suck down a durry in the ten minute news break. That’s easier.
I gave my body what it REALLY wanted, which is exercise. And I dealt with fears. Five months on I have learned it’s easier not to smoke. That I can meet life’s challenges.
I have given 30 years to the fags. I have paid SOOOO much extra tax. Now I’m giving that money and the next 30 years to myself.
*Results may vary from person to person.